Desiring Change
by Sagutcheway-06
Summary: Paige looked for ways to make her life normal, but what if one day, she did more than that? Timeline somewhere season 56, I don't really know


Title: Desiring Change

Author: Ardelle Sagutchewa (Sagutcheway-06)

Disclaimer: Don't own them, never will.

Summary: Paige looked for ways to make her life normal, but what if one day, she did more than that? (Timeline somewhere season 5+6)

Authors Note: Okay people, I wrote this story like LONg time ago, and I constantly told myself that I would update it. I finally did:D Also I think I'm going to write a second chapter... and hey I think my grammar got a little better, don't cha think? Anyway, read on and Enjoy!

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A life Paige craved for she could not have. A destiny she wished she couldn't have, she must wish some more. Something she wanted, she needed to have, is so far away. Like a present on Christmas morning, a present that she wanted, but did not get it. Drifted farther away from her grasp, her only option is to deal with it.

However, that was not how she wanted it to be. She wanted that life she had craved. A normal life, how can that be so hard to get? The longing was so great, she had thought about leaving this life behind, but that thought had quickly passed as she thought about Destiny.

Ah, destiny and its binding ties to it. If someone from the past told her she would be a witch fighting demons on a daily basis, she would have laughed in their face and have them committed. Destiny managed to weave its way into her life and she is now a witch, something she did not see in her future. Something she would not have wanted in her life.

She had claimed she wanted a life that does not evolve around magic and had pursued that. She got into TempsJobs, and got into all sorts of kind of jobs, but all had magic somehow related to them. Magic may be in her blood, but that does not mean she have to like it.

Maybe she could have dealt with it and go on with life. Her sisters give her more reason to want this kind of life, not to mention her nephew. However, this dark feeling that settled deep in her belly as she settled into the manor, made her question herself.

Paige bolted up, a scream rising from her throat. Sweat shined on her skin, displaying the intensity of the "dream". Her breathing came in rapid pants, and her heart thudded underneath. The blanket seemed like a prison as she threw it off. She had that dream again, the same one she has every night.

In the dream, she is running. She does not actually remember nor have any idea why she is running, but she is running. Around her, it is black and grey. She feels as if she is running towards something, but cannot seem to see it, or know what it is. She keeps on running, and at the side of her, she begins to see these images of her experiences. She see her sisters, her adoptive parents, the accident, her real mother, the drug taking, the alcohol, everything that made the past so horrible. Then she would see a white light ahead, a bright one. Her hand would reach out toward it, as if it was the last thing on the earth to make her happy. Then that would be when she would wake up.

When she wakes up, her heart pounds as she remembers the images that cloud her past. Those images make the dream intense, because she has worked so hard to cover some of them up. She does not want to remember her dream, and yet it surrounds her.

She slipped out of her bed, the cool air nipping at her bare legs, the only exposed skin that her t-shirt allowed to show. She walked down to the kitchen, opened the lights and sat on one of the stools. Her feet dangled over as she thought what to do. The cool floor sent goose bumps up her legs, and all over her arms. She contemplated her dream, and the frustration welled up deep inside of her. She felt sure the bright light at the end held the answers to everything she wanted to know. Answers to help her figure out her life plan.

What should she do?

She flicked at leftover crumbs and sighed. There was nothing she could do, but the big meaning of this dream was to figure it out on her own, but at the same time use her past experiences to help her. She knows that much.

Feet patting down the stairs alerted Paige of one of her sisters awakening. "What's wrong?" Her eldest sister, Piper asked from behind her. She walked over to the cupboard and took out the teapot.

Paige sighed; maybe her sister could help her. "To be honest, I have no idea." She said, and then turned around to flick at an invisible crumb. "I keep having this dream..."

"What kind of dream?" Piper asked in a motherly voice as she turned on the stove.

"I am running towards something, and all around me there is these images of experiences from my past," Paige deliberately left out what they were, "And finally I see something up ahead. When my fingers are near it, that's when I wake up."

"Do you think it means anything?" Piper asked as she opened the fridge to take out milk.

Paige shrugged her shoulders. "It could mean anything." She answered back. "It could mean that I'm going to die tomorrow and I never did anything I truly wanted to do. It could mean that I need to make a decision about something…"

"Who's going to die?" Phoebe walked into the kitchen, looking all tired and wrapped up in her comforter. She dragged herself to the stool adjacent to Paige.

"What are you doing up?" Piper looked at her with amazement.

Phoebe threw her a mock angry look. "I'm an empath now; I know when my sisters are awake."

"Sorry that would be me." Paige glanced over to Phoebe, "You could go back to bed."

"And risk tossing and turning like you?" Phoebe teased; "I think not, and anyway, I happen to know a lot about dreams."

"Explain to her my dream." Paige signaled to Piper, while she put her hands to her face. Paige listened as Piper ran over the basics with Phoebe and once done, they looked expectantly to Paige. Even though she was not looking, she could feel their eyes on her.

"It must have a meaning." She heard Phoebe say, "Obviously your mind is so boggled with different things, and it has an effect on your conscious. Your mind is trying to organize on its own."

Paige heard Piper sigh. "But why? Why dream the same dream for the past week, everyday? She should be able to 'organize' her thoughts herself." Again, she could feel their eyes on her. She felt so helpless, not knowing the answer to the question she asked herself everyday for the past week.

She felt hopeless, lost, confused and everything above. She felt one of her sister put a hand on hers.

"It's okay to feel like that." It was Phoebe, "We all feel like that at one point in our life."

She could feel a headache started to form at her sister's advice. Having a sister as an empath was… weird. She no longer needed to tell anyone how she felt, all you have to do is ask Phoebe.

"I'm going to try and go back to bed." Paige stood, "Goodnight."

Paige made her way up the stairs with a heavy heart. She's lived with her sisters for less than a year and yet she still feels they're all at the same place where they started off at. Shouldn't they have at least made some progress with the whole bonding?

Walking was good, Paige thought to herself, it was certainly better than being at a stand still. She made it to her room, and quickly locked the door. She turned on the radio and put on her headphones. Her sisters stood outside her door, telling her to open the door so they could talk some more. The volume went louder.

There was some song... Marilyn Manson. That was who sang this song. It had a nice beat to it, his creepy nice voice added feeling to the song.

She started to sing along with it, catching on easy to the lyrics. "Sweet dreams are made of this, who am I to disagree, travel the world and the seven seas, everybody looking for something," She heard knocking on the door, and the knocking turn into banging down the door. "Some of them want to use you; some of them wanted get used by you, some of them of want to abuse you..." She said loud enough for whoever was outside her door. The person only knocked harder. She knew she should not do this, her sisters only wanted to help. Soon after, blue orbs filled the room and signaled the entrance of the whitelighter, Leo. He looked stressed.

She slipped off her headphones, and stared at him. "I'm tired Leo, I don't have time for another one of your lectures." She absently said, waving her hand at him to leave.

He looked shocked for a moment, and then went angry. "What is wrong with you?" He asked, taking a step towards her bed, "Your sisters are trying to help you? And this is how you repay them?" He waved his hands at her and the stereo.

By then, she was angry. How dare he come in here and scold her? Do they honestly expect her to tell them what she's really feeling, every time they ask? All her life, she's been alone, and she's gotten used to it. So, all of a sudden being here with them, was hard for her still to deal.

Leo just shook his head and orbed out of there. Obviously, from the hurt and angriness Paige was showing, she needed some space. He orbed into the living room where the sisters were.

"Well?"

"She's angry." He said, and sat down besides Piper.

"Yes, I know, I can feel it." Phoebe chewed on her lip, lost in thought.

Piper absorbed the news and wondered why Paige was angry. There was nothing to get angry about; all they were doing was try to help her. Surely, there was no point in getting angry at them for trying to be there for you... Piper froze at that thought, and looked over to Phoebe. Phoebe and she were so used to being there for each other, knowing the other sister would do anything to help the other. Paige was alone most of her life, depended on no one but herself. She shook her head to clear her thoughts. She sighed and got up. "I am going to bed."

The sun shone brightly, awakening the slumbering witch. Paige silently cursed it and sat up. The radio still played, and she put the volume a little louder, and started to bang her head to the beat, mouthing the words as she prepared to get dressed for her next TempJob. She could only hope that it didn't evolve magic.

Her sisters were in her room as she put on her shirt. "Paige, could you turn that a bit lower?" Piper asked, as she sat down on the edge of Paige's bed. "We need to talk about last night."

Paige silently went over to the small radio and turn the volume lower, not bothering to look them into the eye.

Phoebe took notice. The thought of her sister having a problem with them made her want to go over there and hug her, but she knew that wasn't a bright idea. "Paige, tell us what's wrong?" She stepped closer to her, "We want to help."

She wanted to tell them. She wanted to tell how incomplete she felt as the days went on. She wanted to tell them how she couldn't get up every morning with a guilt and shameful feeling, knowing that magic would fill the day. She wanted to tell them how more alone she felt, even living with them, knowing that the tight bonds of magic connected them as sisters. She wanted them to know how she felt, but as usual, she didn't tell them. They wouldn't understand her. They have been around magic longer than she has. She shook her head slightly. "I can't." She whispered.

"Why can't you?" Piper urged.

She fell silent. "Because…" She felt at a lost as to what to tell them that could satisfy them. Not knowing what to say, and panicked, she orbed out of there leaving her sisters behind.

Paige stalked into the house hours later after she left and looked like she was ready to murder the next person she saw.

There had been magic once again. She was fine with it in the beginning, but as the day wore on, and the need for her witch side grew for some, she couldn't handle it. That was what made her madder.

If she hadn't been born to a whitelighter and a witch, then Life would have been a whole lot simpler. Different from the life she's leading now. She wants no magic and no running around trying to save the world. She does likes saving the world, makes her self-worth higher, but that is not the point. The point is she wants a simple life that has no whitelighters, no witches, and especially no DEMONS! Why couldn't the people above, or whoever controlled everything, have been good to her, and let her existence cease?

She's finally has been driven to the point where she wished to not be born, and it took a lot for Paige Matthews to get to that point. Besides, wouldn't the Power of Three be a lot simpler if she wasn't born? Her father's and her mother's life would be a little easier.

She plopped down on the couch, not letting the tears to surface. Crying was a sign on weakness, someone once told her. She couldn't remember who told her that, but it kind of stuck in her head. She wouldn't cry. Nope, it would mean that she was weak, that there was something she couldn't fix, but there isn't. The magic is driving her crazy, the way it keeps popping up everywhere, interrupting her while she's trying to live a normal life.

She felt like she was suffocating. The air in her lungs was being pushed out, as the walls began to close together, caving in on her. She closed her eyes tightly, her breathing growing heavier. Soon she felt the tears fall down as she started screaming wildly. No one heard her though, because no one seemed to care. She had never felt more alone in her life. No one was here to save her from herself.

She froze, considering the notion that a demon could be causing this. The thought struck her hard and she got angry. If a demon decided to use her emotions against her, then why does he bother? She got up, the panic gone and the anger replacing it. If they wanted her not a Charmed one, why wouldn't they ask?

_To be not a Charmed one, anymore._ The thought a mantra in her head, her feet moved her towards the stairs.

Paige bounded up to her room and got out a suitcase from under her bed. She started aimlessly throwing clothes into it until it was nearly full and most of her clothes were packed. She grabbed another suitcase and decided to put anything that was hers into it. Brushes, toothbrush, and all her little items, anything that had her name on it.

While she was doing this, not a thought of her sisters sadness came into mind. Not a thought about how sad they would be or how angry. All her focus was just on getting out of there, and out of the madness they call magic.

Finally, her room was empty. The only things left were the things that were already there before she moved in with them. Most of her things were in the closet or in her bags. She was all set to go.

There was only one thing stopping her, her powers. Leo could sense her if she still had them. She frowned. She hated to do this but it was the only way out of this life and leaving it all behind. She walked into the attic, more determined than ever.

She opened the Book of Shadows and flipped thought it. As she was searching through the book, she heard a jingle behind her.

"Paige." A female voice whispered from behind her, an unfamiliar voice. She spun around and came face to face with the woman she never knew. Prue Halliwell. She looked pale but seemed to have flesh. Colour was obviously not her friend at the moment, she appeared . . . ghostly. Prue was dressed in a white robe, covering most of her hair and leaving enough room to see her face Paige smirked at her and went on doing what she was doing, looking for a spell that will give her sisters her powers.

"Hello Prue." She flipped another page, "Came here to try and stop me?"

"Of course." The ghost woman Prue said. "I can't let you destroy the power of three."

She nearly swung at her in a fit of anger, but then she is a ghost. She stops to think about that. What was Prue doing here? "Can't I be happy for once?" She asked her. Prue seemed taken aback by her question, but successfully answered it.

"Of course you can, but not like this." She stepped a little closer to her, settling a hand on her arm. "Running away doesn't solve everything."

Paige thought about for a moment, the shrugged her arm away from Prue's grasp, "Well, it is the only option right now." She found the thing she was looking for, which was surprising, and said it aloud.

As I pass on

make their nightmares a reality

and each of them

give them what was rightfully mine.

As she was done, a white orb shot out of her heart. She felt intense sadness for one second, but it quickly passed. The white orb suddenly broke into three parts and raced off. One part went behind her. Paige knew what that meant. Prue was staying and that was what hurt her the most. The Eldest was easily replacing her, she didn't even belong here. She was only the half-sister. She turned around and saw her older sister gaining more flesh. Colour returned to her and the white robe disappeared into a white fog. She stood there, a sad expression on her face as she realized what Paige had done.

"There!" Paige said a little too happily, "All done. Now everybody will be happy!" She started for the door but again Prue stopped her from doing so.

"Please don't do this." Prue looked at her with a fierce look, as if that look alone will stop Paige.

"Prue," Paige looked into her eyes. "It's already done." Then Paige flung her hand out, hitting Prue in the face hard. The impact sent Prue sprawling on the floor, unconscious. Now nothing would be on her way. For a while, she felt sad she hit her sister, but that quickly passed like many things.

"I'm sorry." She whispered, knowing no one wouldn't hear her. She wiped the shed tears away, and headed down to her room.

She was going to do this. She honestly was. Nothing could stop her now. She just had given her powers to her sisters. She is off Chris's 'radar' and Prue is back. Her sisters will not even see that she is gone, they would all be too absorbed in greeting the long lost super Prue. No one would miss her, not a chance. They probably wouldn't even notice she's gone.

However, she will miss Wyatt. That little bugger who could make her smile when another day has passed. She is going to miss him, like crazy. He is, you could say, her motivation for getting up everyday. She dreamt of raising him like no other aunt would.

Paige sighed. It was all for the best, she thought as she picked up her bags and walked out of her room, Prue's room. She walked down the stairs and silently said goodbye to everything that she won't see for a very long time. The clock they always seemed to break every time a demon came by. The tables that they were put through trying to fight demons. The closet where they hid the demon before Piper gave birth. She came to the living room and did as she did in every room. She looked around in remembrance at the things that were once familiar to her. She shook her head, trying to rid the thoughts. At the door, Chris stood.

"Paige, how come-" He glanced down at the bags. "Where are you going?" He asked cautiously. He raked his mind for something, because this seemed very familiar. Then it struck him this was one of many things that caused Wyatt to be evil. Paige left, causing the family to break apart, which left Wyatt… defenseless.

"Move away Chris." Paige said. She moved to the side but Chris got on the way. "Move it Chris." She subconsciously orbed, but to her disappointment and much relieve she didn't. It wasn't a dream that she's finally leaving.

"Again, I am going to ask you to move." She calmly asked him. Like the stubborn whitelighter he is, and jackass, he didn't move. Growing impatient, she gave him a shove, but it was no use. Paige thought for a moment, and then remembered a spell she read before. It would make him paralyzed and he wouldn't be able to talk, but it only lasted for a couple of hours. It probably wouldn't work, considering she just stripped herself of her powers, but it was worth a shot if she wanted to get him out of the way.

Give this man

a silence of hope

a mind that will not be his

and only be a temporary time.

She said that quickly and soon Chris fell into her arms. She grinned, and let him slide. He opened his mouth once but closed it again. He tried once again to speak but only came with a squeak.

"Good bye Chris." She dragged out her two bags. Before she was down the stairs, she turned to look at him who was staring at her with sad eyes. "Oh yeah, Prue's in the attic." When she said that, she saw a burst of hope in his eyes, that he actually looked happy. It made her sick to her stomach that he would be so happy at the mention of Prue.

Then she was gone. She hopped into her car and drove. She doesn't know where exactly she's going, all she knew is that she's leaving. A change in life is what she desires.


End file.
